emotional corruption

theses always some level of corruption somewhere. That besides what do i get to keep in the end? I know i will lose when this started but losing more than i intend to give is just infuriating. I dont even get to keep anything, materials , views , hopes , not even a friend wtf. As a matter of fact even my week end plan gets messed up. Only good things i get to keep so far is chinese a level getting a b and the 190 helix cut. And i really got to start studying especially after seeing result taking today. Hope i dont fk up tomorrow and sun chess tournament either or it will be a greater waste.